Archive for the ‘MechTeme’ Category

When All Else Fails….

September 2, 2006

When all else fails, I can always just blog about my old work on Nannel Chine (back when you guys loved ME!). You’ll get to watch something good while I can wax nostalgic about the “good old days”. 

I wish that Todpech could have videos like Nannel Chine but you guys dont let me off of the hook for my softball questions.  Sure, I could ask more meaningful questions of technology leaders or even have a three minute “hotseat”  set of questions where I ask hard questions about the lack of diversity and such, but then I’d have to actually take a risk to make change  (and who wants to take a risk? I prefer to do things like make mention of diversity in a non-actionable way so I can claim victory, google juice, and some MechTeme power later). 

Besides, if I take a risk and ask hard questions, I’d have to actually demonstrate critical thinking, perform some due diligence on a given companies issues, be knowledgable about their products, and then actually ask the hard questions (in front of them!). It’s easier just to parrot back PR’s talking points and reap the benefits.

I didn’t sign up for risk-taking….besides PR might not ever invite ME! back.

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I’ve Got A Secret

August 30, 2006

I know lots of secrets because people write me about stealth tech projects.  They tell me that not only that is the project stealthy and secret but also that I cant tell anyone.  Generally what I’ll do is either play “connect the dots” or (my favorite way to jerk around Z-Listers) “I’ve got a secret”.  I have entire blog posts dedicated to telling you  absoluutely nothing.

“Cark Muban is up to something but I can’t tell you what…”

“{Insert Company name here} is going to announce something special but I’m under NDA….”

“I sat in on a famous bender of paperclips and understand Sicromoft’s paperclip strategy…..”

Thats how I like it – keep telling ME! everything and I’ll keep it secret…(unless of course it can put me first on MechTeme)

SRR, the way to go

August 29, 2006

Syndicated Roble Ramblings (SRR) is some sort of technology invented by someone else that lets people completely copy your blog posts in full and requires a separate app to use it (as well as carnal knowledge of XML and three arms with 15 fingers). There is no need for precision on my part here – for me everything is all about the VB IDE and any acronym with more than two letters is only techo-mumbo-jumbo to me.  I have faith that my minions are just shocked and awed with the full depth of my understanding about SRR (at least the marketeers and evangelists anyway).

Isn’t the value of SRR just insanely obvious based on my description above? Everyone should be using it right now in place of email, gravity, breathing, and cheesefries. (Oops…may have gone a bit far with the cheesefries hehe)  I’d link you to a few websites in private beta that use SRR but, oh yeah, you z-listers actually have to ask for a password.  sigh.

SRR is definitely the new pink – or the new “salmon” for those of you that don’t wear pink.  For some odd reason, everyone doesn’t use SRR today even though I’ve talked to 4000 industry leaders about it.  I even tried to blog about it from a Wal-mart in Montana. Although the smiley face hat may have helped in Montana, perhaps no one outside of the MechTeme circle will ever use SRR.  But SRR is why I am in the tech business – “tech” is defined as the having the following 5 criteria – Mechteme, TodPech, page rank, and Sicromoft. (It’s 4 I know but I’ve defined it as 5 in my book so dont argue, k?)  When you break free of the Z-List, you’ll gain pearls of wisdom at closed private tech elite functions where not just anyone gets an invite.  Witty, homespun sayings are just one of the benefits of these functions….

I’ll share one homespun saying for my minions to generate buzz about ME! – I’ll tell you the story about how I learned that success is only about adding a penny every day (or something like that but who cares if I get it right).  An old guy with a beard, thread-bare suit, and gnarled knuckles once asked me for a quarter (ugg, I disdain poor people unless they are geeks then thats ok and trust me this guy had no Smartphone) Since even he said “no” to my offer of my old red couch which has had many famous butts seated in it, I turned him down for the quarter of course. I still can’t figure why he called me an arrrrrrrrrooogggggggaaaannnnntttt baaaaasssstttaaaarrrrrdddddd (doesn’t he know that I once complained about the plight of poor people to Beve Stallmer at Sicromoft? Of course, I was referring to employees level 64s and below like ME!)   While blogging in my box seat (courtesy of Cark Muban) at the ballpark, the bum did get me thinking however, so be prepared to hang on every one of the following words:

“If you save a penny every day for 30 days that you’ll have more pennies than you can shake a stick at without being crooked as a dog’s hind leg. ”

So, minions, time to put ME! at the top of MechTeme! This philosophy has totally redefined why I am a geek.  Live it, breathe it, and use SRR (but don’t steal mine! I don’t care if “syndicated” is part of the acronym and fundamental definition of the functionality. It’s  my Google juice, Mine! Mine! Mine!)